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Looking Forward - 6

Looking back on this project I can say with confidence that I have tools to help me on my own path as an artist. The reason I chose “What is a good artist?” as my enduring question is because lately I have been reflecting a lot on what that means to me, and if it should. There are so many expectations in being an actor, a student, someone in a rehearsal process, an employee. There are days where I cannot see the light I once did in performing. But, I know that it must pass at some point. I cannot be perfect, nor should I want to be. Honestly, I would rather be bad and continue to learn than be good and never learn a thing.

This idea of being “good” at what I do turns out to be really detrimental to my well being. Similar to what I discussed with Kallie, it feels like my self worth is based in what I do as a performer, when that is the furthest from the truth. The moments where I am a truly good performer are the moments when I choose to practice and have fun with those around me. The moments where the product of performance is nowhere and it is only about the work.

Many of my interviews discussed pride and joy not just for yourself but for others as well. How I find joy in what I do is dependent on the situation.

It also goes back to the balance that Trey so wonderfully brought full circle for my understanding currently about being a good artist. It is about that balance between the artistry internally and externally, for yourself and for others.

I want nothing more to be a good artist. But it cannot be a goal, skill set, etc. It has to be me. Simply being myself is a good artist. I want to be kind to other people, collaborate, and bring joy to others because its what I love and there is always something to love and look forward to.

I am not done with this enduring question, nor do I feel like I have a complete answer; which is the whole point. What I do know is that I will continue to do the best I can for myself and for others in general not just as an artist but as a person because I live and create art, I do not live to create art.

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